What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 23.06.2025 03:03
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
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You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
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He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
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I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Can I see some saggy tit pics and huge areolas pics?
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
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I was very sick at this time too.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
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He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Especially a lifetime of it.
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But it wasn’t much.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
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(And it was in our own minds.)
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
We were not on the streets..
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Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
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Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
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Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
She loved him until the end.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Does eating bread before bed make you fat? If so, why?
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Comes on , in middle age.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
As i do to all so called friends.?
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I was seconnd youngest,
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Would this be the day?
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Ive learnt so much.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
So, i spoilt her more .
I couldn’t, believe it.
I said to her
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
She wouldn,t have been !
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
She was in good health!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I will be 64.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
When she asked me how she looked .
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
But, we were locked up after school.
She found it foreign!.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I think the readers, may guess!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Who then, do I blame.?
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
One cannot live in the past .
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
What did i know ?
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
He resisted the act ,that day.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Was to survive, this bastard.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I have no regrets .
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
This is soul school!.
So whats the point in blame.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I don,t even have a pension.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
My life is so biszare .
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
We all went to grammer schools
All the time i was locked up.
Im still living with it.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
He knew the spot.
I never cut or harmed myself..
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I waited trembling.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Put me off passion for life!!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I was 9 years of age.
It was going to be , some day.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I could never make a relationship work though!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I write beautiful poetry .
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
She married twice! .
My family never makes their pension either.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
And i lived it daily.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I was scared of men, in general